So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
