Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
