And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
