But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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