put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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