btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
