do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.