Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it glows. i had to have it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.