I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.