So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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