yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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