I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize