She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
