Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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