another moral hangover. fuck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize