i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
