Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
