Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
