Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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