My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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