Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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