but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
