Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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