Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
