I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
