i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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