Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
