That's intense
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
