I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
