Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
