if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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