he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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