So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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