She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
