Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

capris are just wrong

(703): View more from Virginia

its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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(973): View more from New Jersey

if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!

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(410): View more from Maryland

She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?

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(716): View more from New York

One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

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(406): View more from Montana

I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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(216): View more from Ohio

Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award

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