My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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