i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
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did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My vagina is very pro this idea
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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