Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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