Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
