Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
