Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
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Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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