Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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