If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
