No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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