Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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