how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
