Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.