I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.