OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"