i barfeds in our rink
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
