Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
