Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
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its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.