At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I think a kid would responsible me up
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.