It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My ass is underappreciated
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
