i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
