There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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