Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
