Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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