Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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