I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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