i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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