a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
