The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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