is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
