You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
