dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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